six questions

This blog has been all about the book reviews all month long. Between reading, reviewing, working, and, well, watching Fall TV, I haven't had time for much else! But I do have other things to talk about, so I thought I'd do a question and answer post. I've thought of six questions that you might ask me if we met for coffee, and I'll answer them here. (Why six? Because six has been my favorite number ever since, as a six-year-old, I heard Bert sing about his favorite number.) So grab a cup of coffee—I've got my fall favorite pumpkin spice latte—and enjoy this glimpse into my world.

Are you still gluten free?
Yes! It really hasn't been too difficult, and the worst part by far is eating out. I've discovered that I absolutely love almond and coconut flour (too bad they're pretty expensive), and I've had fun experimenting with gluten free baked goods. (Some have turned out awesome, others not so much.) My favorite is a peanut butter cookie recipe that I've adapted into a really awesome cookie, if I do say so myself. I'll try to snap pics the next time I make them and then post the recipe here on the blog.

How are you feeling?
This is kind of ironic, as I'm writing this on a day that I'm having what I like to call a "thyroid day," but I actually feel tons better. I don't feel "normal" yet, but I feel the best I've felt in two years. Two years! I think it's a combination of going gluten free, changing medication, making sleep a priority, and reducing stress. I still have hopes of getting my energy back, losing weight, and being able to fully participate in things I love, but if this is all the better it gets, it's livable, and I will be grateful for the health I have.

The other day, while on a two-mile walk (something that would have killed me just six months ago but I did with ease now), my mom asked me what my dreams are. I couldn't even answer her. These last two years have been all about surviving, not dreaming. But now it's time to start thinking about goals other than "make it through the work day so I can crash on my couch."

What classes are you teaching this year?
As I have for the last couple of years, only yearbook. While I do miss getting to know the international students on as personal a level (which I talked about here and here), I also am enjoying my job as a whole more than I have probably ever. I still do a little bit of a lot of things, but my main area is communications: website, blog, Facebook, Twitter, our quarterly newsletter, etc.

Are you doing Singing Christmas Tree?
Considering Singing Christmas Tree has been such a huge part of my life and was even a large factor in my decision to attend my church, this may come as a surprise, but no. It's not that I don't want to participate, but I'm trying to make decisions that will help, not hinder, my healing process. One of the things I'm learning is that stress and tiredness are huge triggers for me. If I have a big, busy day, I can pretty much guarantee that either the next day or the day after that I will not feel well. Singing Christmas Tree is a wonderful ministry, but it is also incredibly time consuming and exhausting, and speech season (my most stressful time of the year) directly follows it. I want to go into speech as healthy and rested as possible. I hope to rejoin the choir next year.

What has God been teaching you?
First of all, I'm finally learning to say no to things. When I was struggling with whether or not to do Singing Christmas Tree, I mentioned to a co-worker what I was thinking. Her response? "You are way harder on yourself than anyone else will be. If you need to take a break, you take a break. They'll survive without you." So true. While I feel a little guilty about taking this year off, I shouldn't.

I'm also learning compassion. Because Hashimoto's is a disease that often isn't physically apparent, most people who see me would have no idea that anything was wrong with me. The knowledge that others have no idea how I feel has helped me understand that, likewise, I have no idea what others are going through. I need to extend grace to others instead of being so judgemental. I don't know what circumstances in their lives are influencing the way they behave and the decisions they make.

Most importantly, though, I'm learning that God has everything under control. It's one of those things that I always know in my head, but sometimes my heart forgets. And then God steps in, and it's like he's nudging me and saying, "See? I've got this." This was especially evident a few weeks ago. Back at the beginning of August, I finally got a referral to an endocrinologist, but I couldn't get in to see her until mid-November. This is the same endo my dad sees for his diabetes, so he called to see if we could switch appointments, as he had one in early September. They said no, since initial appointments take longer than return visits, but they could put me on a waiting list in case of cancellations. The morning of my dad's appointment, I got a call from the clinic—they had a cancellation, and the slot was mine if I wanted it. So I was able to carpool with my dad and see the doctor a full two and a half months early! If that's not a God thing, I don't know what is!

Now a fun one: Do you have any good movie or TV recommendations?
Of course I do! Movie first: Belle. It's about a mixed race daughter of an British Navy captain who is raised by her great aunt and uncle on an English estate in the late 1700s. I don't really want to say much more than that because you need to watch it. It would make a great companion piece to Amazing Grace—both deal with slavery in different ways.

TV: Forever. It stars Ioan Gruffudd as a man who can't die. Well, he actually CAN die, he just can't STAY dead. He's a medical examiner in New York City who has a skill for discerning how people died, and he often works with a female detective. Sound a bit like Castle? It definitely has that feel to it. So far, I'm loving it! You can watch the pilot episode here.

And while we're on the subject of TV, if you're looking for a good binge watching show, check out Ringer on Netflix. It also stars Gruffudd (and Sarah Michelle Gellar)—I recently recommended it to another blogger after she wrote about Forever, and then I had this urge to watch it again. I'm one of about five people who actually watched it when it aired on the CW, and I'm enjoying it just as much on this pass through as I did on the first. (Yes, it's ridiculously soapy with about a million plot holes, but it's so entertaining!) There's only one season, so you won't even have to spend much time watching. Plus, Logan Echolls is a guest star ...

i'm not a crazy cat lady, i promise!

The other night, I sat on the couch watching a movie. (Battleship. Don't waste your time. I gave up after about 40 excruciating minutes. I did enjoy the beginning, however, as Taylor Kitsch basically played an adult version of Tim Riggins, and I do love me some Riggins!) As I sat there, Isis jumped up onto my lap and began grooming herself, Skarra fell asleep on my feet, and Hammond ... well ... walked across my chest multiple times while whipping his tail in my face. I looked down at my crew and suddenly was struck with the realization that God sent my cats to me at the perfect time. Let me explain.

I adopted Isis, Skaara, and Hammond in July of 2012. In September of that year, I started feeling "not right," and by October, I was feeling pretty awful. Nearly two years later, I know what's wrong with me (Hashimoto's thyroiditis), and I feel like I'm finally clawing my way back to a near normal state—or at least a livable new normal. But these last two years have been the most stressful and difficult of my entire life.

At this point in my life, I'm single and childless. It's not the life I ever imagined for myself, but it's not a bad life, either. However, living alone makes it very easy to develop a selfish, woe-is-me attitude when I feel sick. Crazy as it may sound, having my cats to care for has made me less apt to focus on myself ... and I am absolutely positive that having cats has made me a happier person! (I'm pretty sure there are studies on how pets make you happier ... but I'm too lazy to search one out right now.)

So here's why I think God brought my babies* into my life at the perfect time. When I got them, they had to live outside per my lease, and three outdoor cats who roamed the neighborhood didn't seem at all excessive. Had I waited to get a cat until I bought my house, I probably would only have gotten one. Maybe two. No way on this earth would I have signed up for three house cats, and I certainly wouldn't have these three cats. They each bring their own unique personality (felineality?) to the mix, and I can't imagine our "family" without any of them. I love Isis' sassiness, her obsession with water, and her "this is not a cat person so I must make him love me" radar. I love that macho Skaara has to have a hug every morning while I'm getting ready for work. And I love Hammond's cuddly nature. (Could I tell you things I dislike about each of them? Sure. But that's not the point.)

Basically, what it boils down to is this: These last two years have been hard. At times, they seemed unbearable. My family and my friends have helped carry me through, and I am so grateful for them. I'm grateful for a God who knows me and understands what I'm going through, even when I don't understand it myself. And I'm also grateful for my cats, who bring me joy and keep me sane!

*Yes, I call them my babies, but I fully realize they're my cat babies, not human babies, and I AM NOT THEIR MOTHER. It's more like I'm the best friend that they worship. And they do adore me—they're not typical cats in that way. (Well, Isis' love is on her terms, but Hammond and Skaara straight up worship me.)

going gluten free: two week update

I've now been gluten free for two weeks. It hasn't actually been all that difficult. No dreams of bread, and my sister's amazing chocolate chip cookies didn't even appeal to me. (Read my introduction to my gluten-free diet here.)

My biggest challenge is one that I didn't anticipate:

I'M HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. ALL. THE. TIME. I haven't had an appetite like this in years. Figuring out what I can stuff in my face is a bit challenging at times, especially when I'm at work. I know it would help if I actually liked things like carrots and celery ... I've been eating lots of popcorn and Greek yogurt. It "helped" that I finally got my Vitacost order of several different gluten-free flours. (I went with Vitacost over Amazon because Vitacost's prices were way lower. I was surprised.) So I immediately made brownies. Tasted great, but I'm thinking that wasn't the greatest food choice! I also made gluten free pancakes, which tasted great but were way too runny. I've found a lot of good-looking recipes, so I'll keep experimenting!

Some of my gluten-free meals. Yes, that is a giant bowl of meat from Arby's :-)

As for how I'm feeling, well, it's been a mixed bag. One thing I've noticed is fatigue. I mean, I'm always tired, but twice since I've gone off gluten I've been so tired after work that I've taken a nap. I never nap. I'm sleeping between seven and eight hours a night, so I know I'm not sleep deprived. Weird. I even took a sick day last week because I was so exhausted after my shower that I had to lay down for a while. It was so strange. The next day, I felt "fine"—well, as fine as I ever feel. I was hoping (rather naively, I'm sure) that I would immediately feel a reduction in thyroid symptoms. (The fatigue could have nothing to do with this diet, but it's weird that it hit just as I made the change.)

But digestively, I've noticed a huge difference. I can't remember a time that I didn't have digestive issues—cramping, gas, constipation, diarrhea. While things aren't perfect, these are the best two weeks I've had in a very long time. Really, that alone makes this change worth it.

So I'm going to keep going. I'm still hopeful that it will help me feel "normal" again, but if it doesn't, I'll find something else to try. I'm learning a lot about Hashimoto's, I'm determined to keep fighting to feel better!

going gluten free: introduction

Today marks my fourth day of following a gluten-free diet. But don't confuse me for a bandwagon jumper. Just a few months ago, I scoffed at the idea of going gluten free and thanked the Lord that, while I may have a myriad of health issues, celiac disease isn't one of them.

Then I learned I have a thyroid condition called Hashimoto's thyroiditis, and that changed everything.

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) between my sophomore and junior years of college. I had some scary symptoms that made my doctor suspect diabetes, especially since my dad has Type I, but the results came back pointing to the thyroid. I was told that I would have to take an inexpensive pill every day for the rest of my life, have lab work done once or twice a year, and that would be that.

And it was...until it wasn't. In 2010, I started having some weird symptoms—tingling hands, heart palpitations, anxiety, extreme fatigue, headaches, light headedness. I wore a heart monitor and had a brain scan. Everything came back normal. My doctor was mystified. I began seeing a chiropractor, who diagnosed a neck sprain. For a few months, I saw him three times a week, and I still see him once a month. He also had me start taking an iodine supplement called Iodoral. Almost immediately, I began to feel better.

Flash forward to the fall of 2012. Following an ill-fated two weeks on birth control (prescribed because of extremely painful periods), during which time I was constantly nauseous and emotional, I began to feel "off." Besides fatigue, heartburn, and fairly frequent abdominal pain, I couldn't really pinpoint what was wrong, but I knew something was. Every once in a while, my doctor (by this time a different doctor than the one who diagnosed the hypothyroidism) would adjust my thyroid meds—sometimes up, sometimes down—and she "diagnosed" me with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) after an abdominal ultrasound didn't turn up anything alarming. She also tested my Vitamin D, which was very low. Supplements helped me feel some better, but I still knew something was wrong.

Then in October 2013, she ran a full thyroid panel and discovered my thyroid antibodies were high. She said this meant I had Hashimoto's, and we would regulate my meds by how I felt, rather than what the regular thyroid test said, for a while. She also recommended I stop taking the Iodoral. She didn't make a big deal about Hashimoto's, and I started feeling better once I stopped the Iodoral.

By April of this year, I was feeling horrible again, and I'd gained 10 pounds since October, though my eating habits and activity level remained the same (which is to say that I didn't really exercise—I wanted to, but I hadn't had the energy for it since starting to feel bad in 2012, but I didn't gain any weight until I stopped taking the Iodoral). When my blood work showed that my thyroid antibodies were still sky high (999), she referred me to an ENT. I had an ultrasound of the thyroid done, and it didn't show any suspicious nodes, which was good news. The bad news was the ENT couldn't really do anything for me, but he did take time to explain Hashimoto's. His recommendation was that I switch to name brand Synthroid (I had been taking a generic ever since my initial diagnosis), recheck my labs in three months, and then possibly see an Endocrinologist.

At this point, my frustration level was sky high. I had pinned my hopes on the ENT having answers, and when he didn't, I wasn't sure what to do. I thought about making a nuisance of myself and demanding a referral to an endo, but I'm not that girl (yet, anyway). What was I to do? I knew I didn't want to wait around anymore, but I had no idea what my next step was. Then, one night, I was on Facebook, and one of those Someecard pictures popped up in my feed. I can't remember what the photo was, but it had been shared from a page called Hypothyroid Mom. I clicked through to the page and found ... hope.

The women posting on Hypothyroid Mom are women just like me. We don't share all of the same symptoms, but someone mentioned each and every thing I deal with. It sounds crazy, but never before had I considered that there are other people who can truly understand what I'm going through—because they're going through it, too.

After finding Hypothyroid Mom (which is also a website), I started reading everything I could about Hashimoto's. There's a lot of conflicting information out there, but one thing that most people agree on is that a gluten-free diet can really help those with Hashimoto's to feel better. (I'm not talking about regular MD's here—the consensus across the board from patients and more "natural" doctors is that most doctors don't really understand Hashimoto's and treat it completely based on lab work.)

I truly believe God led me to the Hypothyroid Mom Facebook page. I had reached the end of what I knew to do, and this page has pushed me to start learning about my condition and take control of my health. I honestly don't know if going gluten free will help me, but why not give it a shot? I'm tracking my symptoms, what I eat, and how much I exercise each day. So far, I haven't really seen a difference, but it is just the fourth day. I'll post again next week about how I'm feeling and what I'm eating.

Until then, if you also struggle with thyroid issues (hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, Hashimoto's, or Graves'), I'd encourage you to sign up for the Thyroid Summit. It starts June 2, and it's free to watch. I'm sure I won't watch everything, but I plan to view the presentations that pertain to me.

Here's to better health and surviving Hashimoto's!