are you better or bitter?

I had the opportunity to attend a Beth Moore conference in Lincoln last weekend. The topic was "Knowing Better," and she split her teaching into two sections: "When 'better' is 'bitter'" and "When 'better' is 'better.'" I've dealt with bitterness in my life (and even blogged about it before, though I didn't really explain at the time that I was dealing with it), and I thought that was something I'd "overcome." God must have chuckled and shaken His head when I had that thought!

Two of Beth's four points on bitterness really hit home for me. They're perhaps not bitterness in the traditional sense of the word (I can still recall how it felt to be bitter--that ball of bile in the pit of my stomach, the tension whenever the subject I was bitter about came up--and that's certainly not how I feel in regard to these things), but left unchecked, they could certainly lead to a deep, debilitating bitterness.

1. When better is before. Beth made a great point here when she said we tend to romanticize the past. While I certainly had the most fun of my life in college, I know it wasn't the perfect time--but all I remember are the good things. So it's easy to look back and say, "I wish I could go back!" This definitely applies to my church experience. I attended an amazing church in college. When I left Indiana, I mourned leaving Christ's Covenant behind. For the first time in my life, I had actually anticipated going to church! Not so when I arrived home. For four years, I attended two churches at various times, and I wasn't really happy at either of them. Finally, after I prayed about it, I felt God leading me to my current church. It's not perfect--and there are still aspects of Christ's Covenant that I miss--but I'm confident I am where God wants me to be. So confident, in fact, that I just became a member! So this point for me was more of a reminder of where I've been ... and a reminder not to go back there.
2. When better is someone besides me. Beth spent much of Friday night camped out on this point ... and with good reason, as she was speaking to a group of women! We're known for comparing ourselves to each other. While this isn't an area I have much trouble with, one thing Beth said really stuck out to me: "True humility is wrapped in security." False humility--saying, "Oh, it was nothing," when praised in an effort to get the other person to reaffirm us--is actually a twisted form of pride. I'd heard this before, but it was a good reminder.
3. When better is the route I didn't take. Ouch! This one screams "Becky!" all over it. It's wrapped up in the idea of "if only." If only I'd accepted the offer to stay on at the publishing company where I interned in college. If only I'd gone through with my plans of getting my library science degree. If only I'd pursued another job after paying off my loans. If only, if only, if only. Here's the thing--I am basically happy with my life. Of course there are things I wish were different, but over all, it's good. I like my job. I love my students. I enjoy being able to see my family all the time. But when I start dwelling on the "if onlys," I become discontent so quickly.
4. When better is what you should have known. Can I get an "amen"? "I should have known better than to ..." Or how about this one: "I did know better, and I did it anyway!" I could completely identify with this, as I tend to continue to beat myself up over things I've done or said--sometimes even years after the fact! Here, Beth pointed out the difference between regret and repentance: regret looks back, while repentance moves on! 

God used this conference to point out areas in my life I need to work on, as well as to show me how far I've come in other areas. It was a wonderful time, and I'm so glad I was able to experience it with my mom!

monkey see, monkey do

My uncle is the king of reading. My mom's side of the family is known for its readers, and he just may top all of them. Not only does he love to read, but he loves to share the things he's read with my family. My parents have received, well, probably hundreds of books from him throughout the years. And, of course, you can't forget the numerous magazines and newspapers he subscribes to. He'll often send clippings of things he thinks we'll be interested in. During my senior year of college, one of the articles he sent me inspired what I remember to be the worst paper I've ever written ...

Mass Communications was a class I'd looked forward to taking, but in the busyness of my final semester as a full-time student, I didn't give it the attention I should have. It was an easy class, and a large percentage of the grade came from two papers. The day before the first paper was due, I still didn't know what I was going to write about. Then I checked my mail. In my box was an envelope from Uncle Ken. And in that envelope, I found an article about Christian music. (Sidenote: Isn't the internet great? I just found and linked to that very article--an article published six years ago!) The article inspired my paper, unimaginatively titled "Christians in the Secular Music Industry." (At least I remembered to give it a title. So many times I turned in papers or articles without titles, and I eventually got to the point where I'd type TITLE in huge letters at the top of the page. I don't think I ever turned in a paper with the TITLE still there ...)  I pulled the only all-nighter of my college career while writing the paper--thank goodness for the internet; I found every single source, except for the article from Uncle Ken, online! I finally finished minutes before class started (I skipped my other morning class to work on it), rushed across campus, and arrived just in time to hear the prof say that she'd give us until 5 p.m. to turn the paper in!

Because I'm a nerd, I saved all of my college papers; I just reread this one, and it's not as horrible as I remembered, though it reads more like a magazine article than an academic paper. Still, I got an A!

Well, this trip down memory lane wasn't supposed to be the focus of this particular post! What I was getting at when I first mentioned my uncle was that he recently sent the food section of the Los Angeles Times, and it inspired me to bake. The front page article was about monkey bread; following the article, the author listed three variations. I'd never thought of monkey bread as being anything other than a gooey, cinnamon and sugar, pull-apart bread (which is, of course, fabulous); when I saw the recipe for an olive oil and herb version, I knew I needed to try it.

All ready to go into the oven

 

It. Was. Fantastic. I'm a huge fan of dipping bread into herb and garlic flavored olive oil, and this bread reminded me of that--except that every bite was infused with flavor, and the outside was all crusty and delicious. Mmmmmmm, good!

It was supposed to cool for 15 minutes after coming out of the oven. I waited ten!

Doesn't it look delectable?

No, I didn't eat 1/4 of it in one sitting--Steph had some, too!

If this has whet your appetite, you can read the article and get the recipes here.

discovering treasures

A few months ago, my parents went wild cleaning their basement. The basement was my home for a year after I graduated from college, and when I moved out, I didn't exactly take all my things with me. So, while they were cleaning, my dad took the liberty of packing up two boxes of stuff and depositing the boxes in my car. I lugged them up the stairs to my apartment and promptly shoved them in a closet. About a week ago, I decided I should look through them. About half the stuff in the boxes isn't mine (and, therefore, will be returned to Dad's basement) . . . but the stuff that is mine is pretty interesting!

One box was full of books. Most of the books are rather boring--old grammar books, textbooks, etc. But I also found this book:

I read Shadows Along the Ice in junior high. My siblings mocked me mercilessly . . . and judging by the cover, I can see why! They called it Shadows Along the Joe, though, because Ice looks suspiciously like Joe.

Another box contained some of my college stuff--my honor and Alpha Chi cords, an issue of the Sounding Board (my college newspaper), and some financial aid papers.

And then I saw it--something that made me stop and reminisce. Before I tell you what it is, though, I need to give you a little background info. Jodi and I transferred to Grace at the same time, and we were roommates our first semester. Like any friends, we had our ups and downs, but Jodi got to know me better than anyone, save perhaps my sister. I think it's because we were so different. I've always been very surface-level (I credit it to my personality type, ISTJ--Jodi also introduced me to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator!), and Jodi pushed me to dig deeper. I had deeper conversations with her when we were in college than I've had with anyone else before or since . . . although she probably wouldn't call our conversations deep at all!

In the 4 1/2 years since we graduated, we've drifted apart. She's in Ohio; I'm in Nebraska. Our relationship now amounts to a Facebook message here and there. It's largely my fault, as I haven't made much of an effort to stay in touch. Most of the time, I don't really think about it. But then I go through a box of stuff, and our whole friendship comes flooding back. And I realize that I really do miss her.

This is what I found in the box: During the spring semester of our junior year, Jodi decided we needed to be creative. She had some water colors, and we spent a couple evenings painting. While she was being quite creative, I was painting Simba. I think I stayed in the lines very well! My journal tells me that the night I painted Simba, we stayed up talking until 5:30 a.m. I miss that, although I wouldn't be able to function if I stayed up that late now!

A few weeks later, we painted again. This time, I actually started with a blank paper. (I don't remember, but Jodi probably convinced me that painting Simba didn't count as creativity!) So here is my masterpiece; trust me, it's as artistic as I get!