Tuesday, July 3, 2012

single at the wedding

My cousin married his high school sweetheart last Friday night. And for the first time in a very long time, I experienced only a twinge of wistful I-wish-I-had-a-man thinking while celebrating the joining of two lives.

I think the difference in my attitude at this wedding, as opposed to nearly every other wedding I've attended since I became of marriageable age more than a decade ago, stems from the fact that I am currently single by a deliberate, conscious choice. This will come as a surprise to many of you: not so long ago I was dating a really great guy, and then I chose to end it. The reasons aren't important to share; let's just say I'm completely confident in my decision and leave it at that.

As I watched Nate and Abbie say their vows, I thought about their love for each other; I thought about how Abbie lights up when Nate is in the room; I thought about my own single state. And I acknowledged, deep inside where I've always wondered if I'd ever find love, that I don't want to get married without the kind of love that Nate and Abbie share.

People marry for all sorts of reasons, and love doesn't always factor into the equation. But I know now that it needs to factor into my equation. And here's why: one of the things I learned about myself as a result of my failed relationship is that I really am okay being single. In fact, I rather like it, and I'm not going to give up the freedom I enjoy as a single, childless woman unless it's for the right guy. And if I'm okay being single, why on earth would I marry someone I didn't love? 

Rather than wallowing in self-pity, lamenting the fact that I don't have a man, I am going to continue to embrace the life God has given me! And while I will keep praying that God will one day grant me the husband and family I have longed for, I'm also praying that He will use me just as I am, providing me with the opportunities, friends, and relationships that I need in order to thrive as a single 

So back to the wedding: Nate and his bride were joined in a beautiful service, I had a great time catching up with family, and now life is continuing as usual. And you know what? I think I'll be just fine :-)

I neglected to get a picture of the bride and groom, but I did take a few of my sister and me! This is right before we left for the wedding.
It was like 100 degrees outside. No breeze. In the sun. I was hotter than I've been in a very long time!
But still, despite the heat, we were glad to be at the wedding!


  1. Thank you for this post. I want to affirm the fact that it is SO hard to wait! I always thought I'd get married around 23 or 24...God had me wait until I was 32--for the right one that He had prepped for me from before the world began. But it is SO worth it.

    And here you are, trusting God (and in the meanwhile, laying your Isaac down on the altar). I love your confidence in Him and His timing and plans. Thank you for sharing.

  2. I am SO proud of you! You have been blessed with great insight and wisdom! I was the same way! I wasn't going to settle! As you know, I waited till I was 37 and a half and 5 days till I got married last July 8th. One can't go wrong following the Lord's leading! I also agree that single and happy is much better than married and miserable due to settling! You go girl! :)

  3. Another thing I remembered that I wanted to say is this: You have the rest of your life to be married, and I'm glad you are enjoying your singleness now. It's ok to want more, but I'm glad you are choosing to be happy with your life where it's at! :)

  4. Thanks for the kind words, Christina and Jen--and thanks for sharing your stories! It's always encouraging to hear from people who have walked the path I'm currently on!

  5. Great post. And... wow, I'm out of the loop! Shoot me a message if you want to fill me in, girl!


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