Review: "The Wait Will Not Be Wasted" by Lauren Lianne

This year, I decided I wanted to read more nonfiction ... but I'm pretty picky about nonfiction, as I don't want to get bored! It definitely needs to be something that will either be enjoyable (like a celebrity memoir) or applicable to where I am in life. So when an invitation to review The Wait Will Not Be Wasted, written by a thirty-something single woman, landed in my inbox, I took a chance ... because I am also a thirty-something single woman 🙂

it wasn't supposed to be like this

When I was a kid, I learned my parents were 24 when they got married. That sounded positively ancient. Surely I'd get married much sooner than that!

I am currently mere days away from my 32nd birthday. And I'm still single.

I had always imagined that by this point in my life, I'd have a husband, two or three kids, and be a stay-at-home mom. For whatever reason, God has put me on a different path. Most of the time, I'm okay with this—I'm actually glad I didn't marry young, as I've done a lot of growing up in the 14 years since I graduated from high school. I enjoy the freedom I have as a single woman; I don't really have to consider anyone else when deciding on purchases, entertainment, meals, or travel. I can do whatever I want on the weekend. I only have to worry about getting myself ready in the morning, so I can sleep until the last possible second.

Overall, my life is good.

Tomorrow, I'll sign the documents to officially purchase my first house. I've heard that moving is one of the five most stressful things in life, and I've never before believed it, but I sure do now! There is so much more stress involved with finding and purchasing a house than there is with renting. And don't even get me started on the loan approval process! (It's enough to give someone a heart condition. No kidding.)

And I wish I had someone to walk by my side, helping me make decisions and sharing the stress.

My parents have been fantastic, checking out houses and going furniture shopping with me, giving advice when I ask for it, and helping me pack. My loan officer has been incredibly patient, reassuring me when the approval process took longer than I thought it should and answering all of my "I have no idea what I'm doing!" questions. My friends have been behind me, cheering me on and praying for wisdom and sanity. My sister Steph has been a great sounding board, always bringing me back to reality. (Also, she mowed my lawn for me tonight so I wouldn't have to take a break from packing to do it. She's pretty awesome.)

But, as wonderful as these people are, they aren't "in it" with me. 

So I want to take a moment to acknowledge something that I usually don't: singleness is hard. It's not my ideal life, but it is my current life. And while journeying through life without a partner is difficult, I shouldn't use it as an excuse for letting my life stagnate.

That's why I took an accounting class this summer (and learned I most certainly should not become an accountant).

That's why I joined a book club through my church, even though meeting new people is difficult for me.

And that's why I'm buying a house.

buying a house

About six years ago, my aunt told me I should buy a house. She said it was a good investment and I was at a point in my life where I should be thinking about such things.

I ignored her completely.

To be honest, I really never considered buying a house before because it seemed like to do so would be admitting defeat. Admitting that I truly might never get married. Admitting that I might stay in Central City for the rest of my life.

But here's the thing: I like living in Central City. I enjoy my job. Yeah, it took me awhile to get to this point, but in recent years, any time I've thought about moving away, it's because someone else suggested that I should—really, I'm very happy here. And it's time I embraced that. Besides, buying a house somewhere doesn't mean you'll live there forever.

As for the singleness issue, I'm well aware that I may have said sayonara to my one chance at marriage last year. But maybe I didn't. Maybe the man who will make me feel what Abbie feels when she sees Nate is still out there. Why would I think that my buying a house would prevent him from showing up? That's just ludicrous.

So I'm taking the plunge. I'm buying a house. And now that I'm doing it, all my previous hesitations seem completely ridiculous.

It's really amazing how it has all worked out, and I'm still a little bewildered by it all. God definitely orchestrated this. As one of my Bible study friends said last night, isn't it crazy that, while I had no clue, God knew that during this week, while I was crazy-busy with VBS, He would bring me a house?

Here's how it happened: A little less than a month ago, a coworker asked me if I was interested in buying a house. She and her husband had purchased a house in Central City for her and their girls to live in while they attended Nebraska Christian. The girls graduated this year, so they are looking to sell the house. I went to check it out, and I liked it, but I didn't love it. But looking at that house made me realize that I really did want to own a home, so I kept looking.

I looked at a second house two weeks later. This one looked amazing on paper, but the basement was a complete deal breaker. It reminded me of my great-grandparents' basement. It was damp, it smelled musty, and it just looked ... unpleasant. I liked the upstairs, loved the backyard, and hated the basement.

After that, I wasn't sure where to look. I thought about checking out the first house again. And then one day last week, my dad told me I should look at a house that he had just noticed. I looked it up online on Thursday and decided it had definite potential. Friday afternoon, I called the realtor, and he said I could look at it Friday evening. I took Blendy and Dad with me, and we all liked it. Well, Blendy and Dad liked it; I fell in love the instant I stepped inside! I looked at the house again on Monday, this time taking my mom along as well. As we walked through the house, I couldn't help but talk about how my things would fit into the house. I spoke with a loan officer from a local bank on Tuesday afternoon and then made an official offer on the house. Tuesday night, I dreamed that the sellers decided they didn't like me and wouldn't sell it to me no matter how much I offered. (This was such a realistic dream that I woke up believing I'd lost the house.) On Wednesday morning, I learned my offer had been accepted! Now the only thing left is to get the loan ... so I spent a couple hours yesterday filling out the application and a couple hours today locating all the documents the loan officer requested.

This house is perfect for me! Two bedrooms, one bathroom (recently remodeled), remodeled kitchen, living room, family room, fenced in backyard. The only thing I don't love about it is the lack of a garage—the garage was converted into the family room. I'm very excited to have a dishwasher again, and I'm looking forward to letting my cats be in the house.

And I will be especially happy to say goodbye to the dog next door, who recently did this to my welcome mat:

Is it okay to say you hate an animal? 'Cause I certainly don't have any positive feelings for that dog!

No pictures yet, but I promise to post some after I get moved in. It's looking like we'll close in early August.

single at the wedding

My cousin married his high school sweetheart last Friday night. And for the first time in a very long time, I experienced only a twinge of wistful I-wish-I-had-a-man thinking while celebrating the joining of two lives.

I think the difference in my attitude at this wedding, as opposed to nearly every other wedding I've attended since I became of marriageable age more than a decade ago, stems from the fact that I am currently single by a deliberate, conscious choice. This will come as a surprise to many of you: not so long ago I was dating a really great guy, and then I chose to end it. The reasons aren't important to share; let's just say I'm completely confident in my decision and leave it at that.

As I watched Nate and Abbie say their vows, I thought about their love for each other; I thought about how Abbie lights up when Nate is in the room; I thought about my own single state. And I acknowledged, deep inside where I've always wondered if I'd ever find love, that I don't want to get married without the kind of love that Nate and Abbie share.

People marry for all sorts of reasons, and love doesn't always factor into the equation. But I know now that it needs to factor into my equation. And here's why: one of the things I learned about myself as a result of my failed relationship is that I really am okay being single. In fact, I rather like it, and I'm not going to give up the freedom I enjoy as a single, childless woman unless it's for the right guy. And if I'm okay being single, why on earth would I marry someone I didn't love? 

Rather than wallowing in self-pity, lamenting the fact that I don't have a man, I am going to continue to embrace the life God has given me! And while I will keep praying that God will one day grant me the husband and family I have longed for, I'm also praying that He will use me just as I am, providing me with the opportunities, friends, and relationships that I need in order to thrive as a single thirty-something.

So back to the wedding: Nate and his bride were joined in a beautiful service, I had a great time catching up with family, and now life is continuing as usual. And you know what? I think I'll be just fine :-)

I neglected to get a picture of the bride and groom, but I did take a few of my sister and me! This is right before we left for the wedding.

It was like 100 degrees outside. No breeze. In the sun. I was hotter than I've been in a very long time!

But still, despite the heat, we were glad to be at the wedding!

need a saturday morning laugh?

So true! My favorite line: Do you wanna be Jim & Pam, or do you wanna be Ross & Rachel?

valentine's day

It's Valentine's Day. As a single woman, I'm supposed to loathe this day, right? Here's the thing, though: I don't. Do I wish that I had a significant other to make this day special? Of course. Do I sometimes fantasize about a secret admirer coming out of the woodwork to profess his love for me on this day of romance? Yes. (However, if this actually happened, I'd probably find myself creeped out beyond belief. It's a nice rom-com scenario, though!) But can I still enjoy this day on my own? Absolutely! I think it helps that I'm not an overly sentimental person. Sure, I have my "God, why am I still single?" moments like everyone else, but they're not usually triggered by Valentine's Day.

Through the years, I've spent Valentine's Day in a variety of ways: judging at a speech meet, going out with friends, watching sappy movies on the Hallmark Channel, and having a special dinner with my family. In fact, special Valentine's Day dinners with my parents and siblings are my favorite Valentine's memories. I remember one year—I think I was in high school at the time—when we all dressed up, used Mom's wedding china, and had steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, red Jello, and red Kool-Aid. My mom did a great job of making Valentine's Day about the love of family, rather than romantic love, and that's a tradition I plan to carry into my future family. (She also liked to give us "Valentine socks"—a tradition I appreciated much more than my sisters did!)

So how will I be spending this Valentine's Day? Well, tonight I'll probably be working with speech kids for a while. And then Blendy is coming over to make me dinner, and we'll play Just Dance and watch Smash. Sounds like a good Valentine's Day to me :-)

In case you'd like a chuckle on the day of love, check out today's post on Stuff Christians Like. And the answer is no—I do not want to be a shipwrecked tentmaker!

Valentine's Day: love it or loathe it? Do you have any special traditions—romantic or not—that you observe?

"mornings with jesus" review & giveaway

About the book (provided by Litfuse): "Be still and know that I am God.” is one of the most beautiful verses from the Bible, but it’s not easy to practice in this busy world. Mornings with Jesus will help you do just that—“be still” in Jesus’ beautiful and powerful presence. For those who are seeking a deeper experience in their relationship with Christ, Mornings with Jesus offers a fresh perspective of who Jesus is (the Healer, the Son of God, the Comforter, the Good Shepherd) and what that means for day-to-day life. With a warm and friendly voice, 365 short devotional writings on the character and teachings of Jesus encourage readers to greet each day by drawing near to Him and inviting His presence into their day. Spend time with Jesus at the beginning of each day and experience His nearness and peace in a new way throughout the year. Each day’s selection includes: • a Bible verse • an entry based on Jesus: His words, miracles, and parables; His wisdom, compassion, and comfort; His mystery, power, divinity, and humanity • a “faith step” that will inspire and challenge readers to apply the day’s message to their lives.

To see what other reviewers are saying, go here. You can buy the book here.

My take: Mornings with Jesus is a great devotional to read as you begin your day. It reminds me of the "Our Daily Bread" devotionals my grandparents used—only these devotionals are geared toward women. I wouldn't recommend this as the only thing you do in your time with the Lord, but it makes a nice supplement to Bible reading and prayer. It's a great way to focus your thoughts first thing in the morning.

I received my copy a few days into the new year, and I've been reading each day's devotional as soon as I wake up in the morning. I decided that, even though I needed to review the devotional, I would not read ahead; I'd simply read each devotional on the appropriate day and base my review on the days I'd read. A couple weeks ago, I was really struggling with being happy for my friends who were in new relationships, had recently become engaged, or had just had a child—all things that I have longed for but have not yet experienced. I woke up one morning feeling really fragile. When I opened the devotional, the day's message seemed geared right to me. Author Sharon Hinck spoke about her desire to be genuinely happy for friends who were experiencing great joys while she walked through a season of pain. And then she wrote the words that jumped off the page at me: "I can't do any of it. But Jesus can. And he lives in me."

In my own power, I cannot remove my eyes from my pain to rejoice with my friends. But God can grant me that power, that joy! That reminder—that I don't need to face things alone—was so freeing! The next day, I wanted to tell a friend what I had learned, so I opened the devotional to the previous day's devotion to soak in the message again. What I saw was a message about being busy. Confused, I started flipping through the pages. I finally found the devotion I'd read ... it was the one written for the following Tuesday. Somehow, even though I have a bookmark that I move along day by day, I'd managed to read the wrong devotion that fragile Friday morning! I may not know how it happened, but I know why. It's because on that Friday morning, God knew exactly what I needed to see in order for Him to speak truth into my heart!

About the giveaway: I have a copy of Mornings with Jesus to give away to one of my readers! As I said before, this book is a great supplement to your time with God, and I'm sure it will be a blessing as you use it. On Saturday, I'll choose one commenter at random to receive a copy. To enter, simply leave a comment on this post by 6 p.m. (CST) on Saturday, February 18. The giveaway is now closed! Go here to see who won!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a copy of this book free from Litfuse Publicity Group. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

what a difference a year (or 13) makes!

When I was at my parents' house yesterday, I came across a stack of my senior pictures. It. Was. Horrifying.

Because I'm getting brave in my old age, I'll post one here.

On the upside, I think I look younger at 30 than I did at 17 ... but is it any wonder this girl never had any dates?

As I marveled at the outward changes in the last 13 years, I started to think about the inward changes, as well. While some things can be attributed to "growing up," I think most of it is directly related to God's work in my life.

• I used to worry about everything. Now, I rarely worry about anything.
• I used to think only of myself. Now, while I'm still quite selfish, I've learned to love others.
• I used to get angry easily (just ask my siblings). Now, it takes a lot to get me fired up.
• I used to be extremely self-conscious. Now, I am confident in who I am and what I can do.
• I used to think life wouldn't truly begin until marriage. Now, while I still hope and pray for a husband, I know I can live a full, happy life as a single woman.

By no means do I think I have "made it." I am more aware than ever of my failings and my need for Christ. But I am also aware of how much He has done in and through me. 

And I praise the Lord that I no longer look like I did at 17!

single thoughts on mother's day

"Happy Mother's Day!" the elderly greeter exclaimed as I walked through the church doors.

Inwardly I cringed; outwardly I smiled as I shook his hand. I continued into the sanctuary and approached the usher.

"Happy Mother's Day," he said as he handed me a bulletin.

I'm not sure I even mustered a smile before walking away.

Several years ago, my mom told me that my uncle, who has never been married, doesn't attend church on Father's Day. The focus on something he doesn't have--and probably never will--is too painful. I got a small glimpse of that pain today.

Still, the sting that I felt at being confused for a mother pales in comparison to the pain many women are going through today. Yes, I want to be a mother, but my greater yearning is to be a wife. (If "Wife's Day" existed, I promise I would not be attending church that day!) As I slipped into my pew this morning, I couldn't help but think about the women I know who are experiencing infertility. On a day that celebrates what they most long to be, how do they handle the pain? How do they react to the well-meaning yet insensitive people around them?

My pensive mood continued throughout the worship time, and I wondered if I'd even hear a word my pastor said once he began preaching. Then the sermon title flashed up on the screen--a continuation of the series Pastor Mike began last week--and I almost burst out laughing. The title? "The Dungeon of Disappointment." I had no trouble paying attention.

This afternoon, I came across a blog post by Wendy Alsup (via Carolyn McCulley) entitled "For Moms, Former Moms, and Wannabe Moms." The whole thing is excellent, but here's the part that especially spoke to me:

God said children are a blessing. But after the fall, we do not all get to experience that blessing. The gospel makes up the difference. While you are disappointed in deep ways and that disappointment is real, you will one day sit with Jesus in heaven profoundly content with his work in you through this disappointment. In heaven, you will have no longing for something you missed. You will not be disappointed. May confidence in that hope sustain you.

You will not be disappointed. Those words are a balm to my soul. Whatever dreams are not coming true for you, whatever pain and disappointment you face in this life, cling to the hope of what is to come!

"dot.com dating" by les & leslie parrott

Confession time: I've tried online dating. As I'm still single, it obviously hasn't worked out that well for me--but that's a post for another day! Still, I believe it can work, and I don't have to look any further than my college roomie Jen for proof. She and her husband Josh should be e-Harmony's poster children--they really are the "perfect match"!

When Tyndale offered me the chance to read dot.com dating, I was eager to see what it was all about. Would I learn something, or would it be a rehashing of all that I'd learned from my previous forays into the world of internet dating?

The answer leans heavily toward the latter. Now, I'm not saying the Parrotts don't give good advice--they do--but most of what they cover I already knew. Still, they offer a good reminder: It's not "weird" or "desperate" to utilize online dating sites. In fact, it makes sense, especially if you live somewhere somewhat remote (as I do). Also, they stress the importance of keeping friends and family in the loop as far as your online dating experience goes--that's something I didn't do well the first time around because I was embarrassed to let people know, fearing they'd think I was desperate.

I don't think someone who has experience in the world of online dating needs to read this book. However, I would recommend it for the person who wants to try online dating but is hesitant, or for the friends and family members of people who are trying online dating--because in my experience, those are the people who still question the validity of looking for love online.

One more thing--if you're looking to buy this book, you should know that the Parrotts have just started their own online dating site, myrightsomeone.com. Knowing that, this book can read like one long commercial for their site, and in a way it is--but that doesn't invalidate the advice they give. Also, if you sign up now, you get a free copy of this book. Obviously, I already have the book, but I'm thinking about signing up. If I do, I'll let you know!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free for review from Tyndale House Publishers. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

sometimes, the answer comes sooner

I've come to expect answers to prayer (at least answers in the affirmative) to come slowly. I've been praying for a husband for the last 11 years. Still waiting on that one. I've been praying for a friend's salvation (though not as consistently as I should) for six years. About a year ago, she told me she had been reading the Bible I gave her, but as far as I know, she hasn't become a Christian. I've been praying about a health insurance issue for several months. I may know the result by the end of the month.

It's not that I think God can't answer "big" prayers soon, but I often think He won't. In the last week, God has answered two of my recent prayers, and I must admit that I was surprised by both of them.

The first answer to prayer came the day after I asked my Bible study group to pray about it. One of my classes, an advanced reading class, is made up of 10 international students, all juniors and seniors. I absolutely love teaching the class, and I've sensed that my relationship with some of the students might be poised to go outside the classroom. So I asked the girls to pray that I'd have wisdom and opportunities to get to know some of the students on a deeper level. The next day, one girl walked into class talking about how much she wanted a Pooh Bear Latte. And I thought, "Here's the opportunity you've been praying for!" I snagged her after class and asked if she'd like to get coffee after school. Coffee turned into over an hour of really good conversation.

The other answer to prayer took a little longer ... three whole weeks! I asked my Bible study group to pray about my relationship with a girl I've known pretty well for a few years. I had a really good talk with her sometime last month, and I asked her if she'd like to get together on a fairly regular basis. Other than mentioning it in Bible study, I did nothing--I just wasn't sure what we should do; I've never seen myself as a mentor before. Last week, she cornered me in the hallway (she goes to NC) and said we needed to talk ASAP. She came over on Sunday night, and we spent four hours together--drinking coffee (do you see a theme???), watching country YouTube videos, and talking about some really serious stuff.

In both cases, I found myself stunned that God would answer my prayers so immediately ... and humbled by my lack of faith. This experience has taught me that I need to pray believing that God will answer, whether it's with a "yes," "no," or "wait"!

chemistry!

When I walked into my classroom this morning, I saw this on my bulletin board, courtesy of my speech and yearbook kids:


Do you think they're trying to tell me something?

changing my prayer

I'll be the first to admit that I don't pray as often as I should. Last summer, I read an excellent book on prayer,and for a while, I applied several of the principles in that book to my prayer life. Right now, I couldn't tell you a word that the author wrote. All too quickly, I lapsed back into my self-centered prayers.

I think we all go through seasons where one particular thing is weighing on us, and our prayers focus on that--a health concern, a relationship, a job, an unsaved friend, etc. For me, while each of those things has been the focus of my prayers for a time, the one overarching prayer that I've prayed more than any other prayer in the past ten years has gone something like this: "Lord, you know how much I want to be married. How much I want to be a mom. Lord, could you please allow me to get married soon? Help me be patient and trust you. But, PLEASE???"

It has become my default prayer--the one I go to first. It varies, of course: sometimes, it's not that blatantly pleading. But other times, it's worse.

This morning, as I was driving to a family get-together, I started to pray. "Lord, please . . ." And I stopped. I didn't audibly hear a voice or anything like that, but this thought came to me: Isn't it more important to fall more and more in love with Jesus? Isn't it more important to fully trust Him?

Then and there, I amended my prayer. I'm now praying that 2009 will be a year in which my faith is strengthened. A year in which I find myself experiencing a deeper relationship with my Savior than I could have imagined.

When you think of me, I ask that you would pray those things for me, as well.

singleness, part 2

More thoughts on singleness . . . this time from January 2007. (FYI, the links don't work anymore.) Reading this again has been a good exercise for me.

singleness

Last night I rejoiced in my singleness. I wandered through my apartment, grateful that I live alone and wondering how on earth I could adjust to living with a man. I shopped for chick flicks on Amazon, grateful that I don't have to justify my purchases to anyone. I watched Gilmore Girls and The Lake House, grateful to have sole possession of the remote control.

I went to bed happy.

Then, somewhere around 5 a.m., I fell in love. It was wonderful. Until I woke up. Suddenly, my singleness didn't seem like something to rejoice in. It felt more like a curse.

I struggled with this all day, wondering how I could go from being completely content to utterly discontent.

On the way home from Awana, I turned on the radio. These were the first words I heard: "What's worse than being single and wanting to be married and not but having hope and trust and faith is to be lonely in a marriage and have no hope because you married a person based on the accoutrements and not on their character." The sentence construction is horrible, but you get the drift. When I got home, I ran in and found the broadcast on the internet. The whole message is great--exactly what I needed to hear tonight. If you want to listen, you can get it here.

I also came across an article by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Here's a portion of it:

The Scripture teaches that both marriage and singleness, like children, are gifts from God. To some, He gives the gift of marriage; to others, He gives the gift of singleness. Either way, we are to receive our marital status as a gift. This gift does not come from some distant relative who has no idea what we really need; it comes from a gracious God who loves us and gives the very best gifts to any of His children who leave the choice with Him.

In the will of God, marriage is an incredible gift, to be received with joy and thanksgiving, and to be used for the glory of God. Likewise, in the will of God, singleness is an incredible gift, to be received with gratitude, and to be used equally for the glory of God.

In his classic chapter on marriage, the Apostle Paul cautions against striving for a gift or a calling other than that which God has entrusted to us. He exhorts us not to seek to escape from binding circumstances or to insist on having a gift God has not chosen for us. "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called" (1 Corinthians 7:20). The issue is not our martial status or station in life but rather choosing to live in that state in union with God: "Let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God" (1 Corinthians 7:24, emphasis mine).

Throughout this chapter, Paul sets forth the principle that what matters most is not whether or not we are married but rather the will of God. What state has He called us to? What gift has He given us? "Each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that" (1 Corinthians 7:7 New International Version). Jesus Himself referred to singleness as a special gift from God (Matthew 19:11, 12).

I am not single by accident. I am not single because the "right man" has never asked me to marry him. I am not single because I have made up my mind not to marry. Rather, I am single because God has chosen for me the gift of singleness. I believe that I am single according to the perfect will and purpose of God. I have no way of knowing how long He will give me this gift or whether He will ever choose to give me the gift of marriage. I do not know whether it will be His will for me to be single in five years. But I do know that it has been His will to this point in my life.

I must set my heart to respond to this and every area of my life with the words of the virgin Mary when her world was turned upside down by an angelic messenger: "I am the Lord's servant…. May it be to me as You have said" (Luke 1:38 NIV).

Certainly there are times when I whimper and long for something God has not provided. But over and over again, He brings me back to that wonderful place of trust and surrender that says, "Oh, Lord, if it pleases You, it pleases me." We tend to think that what is really good is the fulfillment of our desires. But, in reality, the highest good in the universe is whatever God chooses for our lives.

The question is not "What do I want for myself?" but "What does God want for me?" What will please Him and bring Him the greatest glory? What will best fulfill His purpose here on this earth?

(You can read the rest at Family Life Today's website.)

And now, I'm again rejoicing in my singleness.

love is in the air

At least it sure seems that way. Three couples I know are getting married in December, and one in January. I'm 3-7 years older than all of them. My brother just announced his engagement. On Friday, another one of my high school classmates "bit the dust"--now at least 27 of the 41 people in my class are or have been married.

I turned 27 two weeks ago. Most of the time, I'm OK with my age and with my marital status, but every once in a while, I'm not. I feel like a little kid who's raising her hand and jumping up and down: "Pick me! Pick me, God! I'm ready! Please pick me!" And then I tell God the obvious: "I'm not getting any younger. I want babies! Everyone else is getting married. Why can't I?" I sound like a petulant child.

Almost exactly a year ago, I was feeling the same way. Here's what I wrote on my MySpace blog:

Love is Everywhere

My mom has a sampler on her wall that my sister cross-stitched several years ago. It's a picture of a bear with the words "Love is Everywhere." (I distinctly remember my sister giving this sampler to me, but no one else seems to remember it, so on my Mom's wall it remains.)

Well, that's how I've felt recently--that everywhere I look, love is there. In the past few weeks, several of my friends who previously were part of the singles club have gotten into--or are on the verge of--relationships. And while I'm genuinely happy for them, I sometimes feel like it's never going to be my turn. Here they are, embarking on this great adventure, and I can't even see a guy on the horizon! The other night, I got so frustrated after talking to a friend about her "special someone" that I wrote in my journal, in giant letters, "GOD, WHY AM I STILL SINGLE???"

Of course, He answered. And then He answered again and again, and it's finally getting through my thick skull. I love Paul, and when I'm not following a specific devotional plan, I gravitate toward his letters. I recently read (and highlighted--it was my first "this is for YOU" moment on this subject) Romans 11:33-34. Last night, I read 1 Corinthians 2:16 and thought, "That sounds really familiar." I saw in my footnotes that both passages were referring to Isaiah 40:13-14.

"Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord? Who knows enough to be his teacher or counselor? Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good or what is best?"

I don't know why I have to keep learning this over and over again, but I do. I guess sometimes I'm a slow learner when it comes to the things the Lord is trying to teach me. But as I read this, I felt the Lord nudging my heart, showing me that this is exactly what I've been doing--trying to advise Him. How arrogant is that??? He doesn't need me to tell Him that it's time for me to get married; I'm just a fool. He is the one who knows what's best for me, and I need to stop bemoaning the things that aren't going exactly as I'd like them to and start trusting Him to give me what is best, whatever that may be.

I'm still a slow learner, but it helped to read this again. Sometimes I think of marriage as the be-all and end-all of life, even though I know that's not true. If I were married, I'd be longing for a baby, or for a writing career, or for a thousand other things.

Hebrews 13:5b "And be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"