single at the wedding

My cousin married his high school sweetheart last Friday night. And for the first time in a very long time, I experienced only a twinge of wistful I-wish-I-had-a-man thinking while celebrating the joining of two lives.

I think the difference in my attitude at this wedding, as opposed to nearly every other wedding I've attended since I became of marriageable age more than a decade ago, stems from the fact that I am currently single by a deliberate, conscious choice. This will come as a surprise to many of you: not so long ago I was dating a really great guy, and then I chose to end it. The reasons aren't important to share; let's just say I'm completely confident in my decision and leave it at that.

As I watched Nate and Abbie say their vows, I thought about their love for each other; I thought about how Abbie lights up when Nate is in the room; I thought about my own single state. And I acknowledged, deep inside where I've always wondered if I'd ever find love, that I don't want to get married without the kind of love that Nate and Abbie share.

People marry for all sorts of reasons, and love doesn't always factor into the equation. But I know now that it needs to factor into my equation. And here's why: one of the things I learned about myself as a result of my failed relationship is that I really am okay being single. In fact, I rather like it, and I'm not going to give up the freedom I enjoy as a single, childless woman unless it's for the right guy. And if I'm okay being single, why on earth would I marry someone I didn't love? 

Rather than wallowing in self-pity, lamenting the fact that I don't have a man, I am going to continue to embrace the life God has given me! And while I will keep praying that God will one day grant me the husband and family I have longed for, I'm also praying that He will use me just as I am, providing me with the opportunities, friends, and relationships that I need in order to thrive as a single thirty-something.

So back to the wedding: Nate and his bride were joined in a beautiful service, I had a great time catching up with family, and now life is continuing as usual. And you know what? I think I'll be just fine :-)

I neglected to get a picture of the bride and groom, but I did take a few of my sister and me! This is right before we left for the wedding.

It was like 100 degrees outside. No breeze. In the sun. I was hotter than I've been in a very long time!

But still, despite the heat, we were glad to be at the wedding!

2010 retrospective

I realize I'm a little late on this (don't people usually do the look back at the year at the end of December?), but my two snow days are finally giving me a chance to catch up on some things!

2010: A year filled with high highs and low lows. Of my 29 years, 2010 was probably the hardest, yet I also learned so much through the challenges. Here's a look back at the events that impacted me the most throughout the year.

January: On January 1-2, I spent about 3 hours in the emergency room with abdominal pain. It definitely wasn't how I planned to begin my year, but something good came out of it. The ER doctor sent me home after ruling out appendicitis and kidney stones, but she suspected gall stones. While the ultrasound I had the next week didn't show any stones, my doctor suspected my gall bladder was "sluggish," and she suggested I drastically cut the fat in my diet. Wanting to avoid pain and more trips to the doctor, I did ... and in the process lost 25 pounds! Somewhere along the line, I picked five back up, so I'm starting 2011 twenty pounds lighter than I started 2010. I'm hoping to make it another 20 this year, but I know doing so will require a lot of discipline and hard work.


April: My friend and former roommate Melissa married Ryan, and I was honored to be one of her bridesmaids. It was a wonderful (and short) celebration, and I loved seeing my friend so happy! Also, by that point in the year, I'd lost enough weight that my dress had to be taken in :-)

Melissa and me on her wedding day.

May: I started feeling sick again. Well, I really started feeling "off" in April, but I didn't actually see a doctor until May. My strange symptoms--lightheadness, headaches, racing heartbeat, no appetite, no energy--led to some expensive tests and no real answers. Finally in June, after a brain scan that showed nothing abnormal, I decided to go to the chiropractor. After he heard my symptoms, he immediately wanted to take an x-ray of my neck. I had several vertebrae out of place. He also suspected an iodine deficiency and started me on supplements. Within two weeks of treatments, most of my symptoms were gone, and within a month, I had my energy back! I still don't know if my neck sprain is the only thing that was wrong, but I don't care ... 'cause I feel good! I'm now a firm believer in chiropractic care!

June: One of my high school acquaintances started a women's Bible study. There are five of us who normally attend, and this has been a needed addition to my life. Now I have a group of women praying for me and keeping me accountable, and I eagerly anticipate each meeting. God brought this into my life just when I needed it!

July: July is a blur--I spent much of it away from home! At the beginning of July, Blendy and I drove to Indiana for my college roommate Jen's wedding. This wedding was a total celebration, and I had a blast! We arrived a couple of days before the wedding, and it was great to hang out with Jen and (hallmate) Sarah and get to know Jen's beloved a bit, as well! Then at the end of the month, Blendy and I took off on our great road trip adventure! We started in Michigan, spent a couple days in Pennsylvania, visited my college friend Holly near Cleveland, attended college roommate Jodi's wedding, and then stayed overnight at Jen & Josh's apartment before we returned home. It was such a fun trip!

Me and Sarah a couple days before Jen's wedding

The Hrens and me.

Me and Blendy on our fabulous road trip.

Me and Jodi.

August: While we were on our roadtrip adventure, I got a call from Val's landlord. Val and her roommate decided to move to Grand Island, and Larry wanted to know if I was interested in renting the house after they moved out in August. Because the house was going on the market, they were willing to rent for next to nothing ... so I decided to take a leap and move! I'm loving living in a house instead of an apartment ... and I'm really loving the garage!

My house (obviously not in August!)

November: I accompanied nearly 50 high school students on a trip to Washington, D.C. I had a blast (though I could happily live my life without spending another night on a bus!) and intended to blog about it when I got home. That didn't happen, but at least you can see some pictures here!

December: Two things consumed my December. The first was the Singing Christmas Tree. This was my fourth year as a choir member, and I had the most fun of any year--probably because I connected with other choir members better than I had before. As an added bonus, Blendy had a solo, and I overflowed with sisterly pride each time she sang.

Blendy singing her solo. Sorry it's so blurry!

The other thing consuming December wasn't so pleasant. My grandma's health was declining rapidly, and on December 20, she died. I woke up that morning feeling an urgency to see her, so I got everything in order at work and left for Kansas. My mom was already there--she had gone down the week before--and after I arrived, we spent a while with Grandma before leaving for supper. Then we returned and spent another hour or so with her before leaving for the night. While I was there, I said everything I wanted to say to Grandma, and though she wasn't really able to communicate, I will go to my grave believing she was trying to say "I love you." When we left that night, we had no idea she was so near to death, so it was quite a shock when the nursing home called us at 11 to say she had passed away. The next week was a whirlwind of activity--my mom's brother and sister both arrived the next day, and the funeral was set for the Monday after Christmas. Prior to Grandma's death, I worried that Christmas would be depressing and sad, and we all certainly faced moments of sadness, but overall the mood was happy. Grandma had been in severe pain, and I rejoice in knowing that she will never experience pain again!

Most memorable moment of the year: I had no idea this would turn out to be my most treasured memory of 2010 when it happened, but now I'm so thankful for the day in July when Mom and I took Grandma out for her birthday. It turned out to be my last meaningful time with Grandma. She had an absolute blast--we took her to Cracker Barrel for supper, then we returned to her house for pie and presents. I will never forget how happy she was, and I will always treasure that night.  

Grandma and Mom at Cracker Barrel.

She got a free sundae because it was her birthday. Hamming for the camera was rather uncharacteristic!

My last picture with my grandma. It's one I'll treasure.

with this ring ...

I had the pleasure and honor of being in my college roommate Jen's wedding last weekend. I drove out to Indiana on Thursday (Blendy came along to help me drive) and returned home on Monday. It was a crazy, busy weekend, and I loved every minute of it! (Well, I didn't love the minutes in stop-and-go traffic near Chicago ... )

Sarah, another dear friend from college, was also a bridesmaid in the wedding, and we both stayed at Jen's apartment throughout the weekend. We spent Friday afternoon helping Jen and her mom get things ready for the reception ... and we had Chick-fil-A for lunch!  (If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll probably remember that Blendy and I love Chick-fil-A!) In the evening, we had a cookout with the groom's family, and then Jen & Josh (the groom) dropped Sarah, Steph, and me off at The Chocolate Café while they ran errands. We had delicious ice cream! Since Jen's apartment is only a few blocks from The Chocolate Café, we decided to walk back. At a stoplight, I noticed this older, grungy-looking motorcyclist, but I didn't think much of it ... until he passed us again a few minutes later. There was a McDonald's about 20 yards ahead of us, and he pulled into the parking lot and shut off the motor. We kept walking. Just after we passed him, he restarted the bike and started to pull around the restaurant. That's when we made a break for the door, and we watched him roar away.  We changed our route back to Jen's to avoid the road we'd seen the biker on, and Sarah and I jumped every time we heard a motorcycle. Blendy, though, was oblivious!

On Saturday, Wedding Weekend truly began. We spent most of the day at The Oaks at Southpaw Farm. The property was once owned by Major League Baseball pitcher Jamie Moyer, and it's one of the most beautiful houses I've seen. First, the ladies involved in the wedding gathered for brunch. (The secret to the amazing scrambled eggs? Italian seasoning and dried mustard.) Then, two of the bridesmaids hosted a shower for Jen. We played Bridal Apples-to-Apples, and you'd think a team comprised of three of the six bridesmaids would have done well ... instead, we came in dead last! We went to the church for the rehearsal, then we all returned to The Oaks for the rehearsal dinner--Bruno's pizza! I sat with J-La, a friend of Jen's whose blog I've read. It was fun to meet lots of people who I "knew" through Facebook and Jen's blogs but had never met before! Above is a picture of the aprons Jen had made for all the women involved in the wedding. Sarah and I had both been admiring Jen's apron at home that morning, so we were pleasantly surprised to receive our own! Jen also gave the bridesmaids jewelry and flip flops. The flip flops were to be worn when we took outdoor pictures in South Bend and at the reception--and they totally saved my feet!

The wedding itself was beautiful, and the reception was a blast! Jen throws great parties, and her reception was no exception. She had a dessert bar featuring various candies, cheesecake, tres leches cake, buckeyes (known here in Nebraska as peanut butter balls), creme de menthe bars, and an assortment of other temptations.
The highlight for me, though, was the photo booth. Sarah, Blendy, and I went in twice. We didn't really have a plan for the first set we did, so we thought things through before we went in the second time. (Click on the pictures to see a full-sized view.) The first picture is our "sultry Shakespearean" faces--that's seriously a pose the photographer asked for when we were taking wedding pictures! If this picture is any indication, we looked like idiots in the wedding photo. The second picture is "Asian-style." It's nearly impossible to take a picture with my students without the peace sign showing up, so this picture is in honor of them. I can't remember what the third picture was supposed to be, and the fourth is us sending our love to Josh & Jen.

Monday morning, after far too little sleep, we had to head home. First, though, Sarah and I got breakfast at Le Peep. The best part of my breakfast was my caramel macchiato ... as you can see, I was pretty tired, so I needed the caffeine! Sarah and I decided that we should get together every 4th of July--last year, we were together in Montana, this year we were at Jen's wedding, and next year we'll be ... in Nebraska? Colorado? I'm thinking we should definitely meet up somewhere!

going to the chapel ...

My dear friend Melissa got married last weekend, and I had the honor of being one of her bridesmaids. The wedding was held in the bustling city of O'Neill. O'Neill calls itself the Irish capital of Nebraska, and I found it quite amusing that whenever anyone gave directions, they invariably started out with, "You go past the Shamrock ..." Yes, O'Neill has a giant shamrock painted on the main intersection. But that's not the point of this post!

The wedding itself was so nice. It was very sweet, and everyone could see how in love and how happy they were! I also enjoyed how short it was ... the ceremony was no longer than 30 minutes, and the reception didn't last more than an hour!

Melissa and me right before the wedding.

Me and my sisters.

The happy couple!

short weekend, short week!

• My school had its annual benefit auction on Saturday night; as a result, I worked for seven hours Saturday afternoon and evening! (Fortunately, my job was fun, fairly stress-free, and with great people, so it didn't actually feel like seven hours.) That left me with a shorter weekend than usual ... however, one of the benefits of working at a Christian school is that we take time off for Easter, so I have a four-day weekend coming up!
• Once again, I seem to be in the business of killing plants. Stacey gave me an aloe vera plant around Christmas. It looked great for a long time, but recently it's been looking a little peaked. It's probably because it hasn't gotten much light ...
• I finally got some data pulled off the hard drive of my fried computer. I bought this external hard drive enclosure from Newegg.com, and it works really well. I was concerned it might not be compatible with Windows 7, but I had no problems at all ... even though the installation instructions were quite obviously not written by a native English speaker and I had to fill in the blanks! (Example: After plug the external box into, the system will remind you there is a new hardware of USB Storage Adapter adds into. After for a while, click "My Computer", USB HDD will appear the relativity on the PC.) I pulled off the things I needed (my 2008 tax return) or wanted (my iTunes download of Dr. Horrible) and left everything else alone--it seems to be working well, so why fill the hard drive of my laptop if I don't need to?
• Blendy and I cleaned my apartment because one of my students will be staying with me over Easter. She then actually updated her blog, so you can read about our weekend here!
• I am totally caught up on my reading! I have two reviews due the week of April 5 and another due the next week--and I've read all the books and written one of the reviews already! So what am I doing with my spare time? Reading! I just got the newest Karen Kingsbury book, Take Three, and I had a really difficult time putting it down last night.
• Speaking of my book review books, I have a whole bunch of giveaways coming up, so keep checking the blog! 
• I got my free copy of Emma today. Perfect timing, as the last movie I reviewed on my other blog was the Gwyneth Paltrow version of Emma. If you click over there, you'll notice the blog has a new look ... one that's much more "me"!
• Spring has finally come to central Nebraska! As I dove home from work today, I noticed the other drivers; nearly every one had the driver's window open. I immediately opened the windows in my apartment once I got home, and I'm thoroughly enjoying the warm breeze.
• The weddings are coming up! I bought my dress for Jen's wedding last Sunday, and Melissa's aunt is altering my dress for Melissa's wedding ... which is now less than two weeks away!
• Right now, I'm watching the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Missed it last week because of a work thing, so I'm seeing the changes--the new opening, new co-host, new dancers--for the first time. So far, I don't have a favorite ... but I do have someone I'm hoping gets kicked off first: Jake Pavelka, the Bachelor himself. Does ABC really think America still loves him? And if Vienna's sitting in the audience looking all googly-eyed, I may just have to hurl.

thoughts from the couch

We're a week into the new year, and I haven't posted anything but book reviews for about two weeks. I have another book review finished, but I thought I'd give you a different kind of post first!

We are headed into our third snow day in a row. While we still call them "snow days," these days have been more like "wind and extreme cold days." I am so excited to be able to sleep in again tomorrow, and I'm hoping for Saturday's speech meet to be canceled, too!

Other things that have happened recently:

• I hosted a Holiday Bowl party where we watched the Huskers obliterate the Arizona Wildcats 33-0.

Janet shows off the easy chocolate cookies we made. She said she never bakes because it's too hard, and she was quite fascinated by my cake mix cook book.

Scott & Levi "throw the bones" ... or something like that! I believe it had to do with the defense.

• We finally made it to Kansas (minus Dad, who had to stay behind to make sure sidewalks were cleared for the beginning of school on Monday). We celebrated Christmas with Grandma, and she was feeling well and was in a great mood. 

Grandma inspects the family calendar we made for her. She loved looking at the pictures of her kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids.

We had a great dinner and then watched a dvd of an interview done with my great-grandparents in the '90s.

Grandma & I pose with the yule log my uncle buys every year to go with our Christmas dinner. Because of our Christmas blizzard, he had to return to California before we could get to Kansas, so we had to eat the dessert without him.

In the evening, we went to Wichita--to Target (yay!), Panera (double yay!), and the Warren (triple yay!). We'd planned to see Avatar in 3-D, but it was sold out, so we saw Sherlock Holmes instead. It was okay, but I would have appreciated knowing that magic played so heavily into the plot before we went.

Mom savors her broccoli cheese soup. Why don't we have a Panera around here???

• Engagements abound! My cousin Jon just announced his engagement to Lauren. Not that he needs or wants my approval, but I give it completely :-) Lauren will be a great addition to our family!!! Also, dear friend and college roomie Jen just got engaged, and she's giving me the honor of being part of her special day! I couldn't be happier for her!

Jen and I were last together in October--I can't wait to see her again!

• I've done a lot of reading recently, and I've started reading my first Blogging for Books selection--Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris!!! You may recall that a few months ago I mentioned how excited I was about this book. I got so excited when I saw it was available through Blogging for Books! I started reading it in earnest today, and so far, it's excellent. I'm looking forward to reading more; look for the review the week of Jan. 18.
  

my (current) favorite things

• Spending time with family.
  My brother got married last weekend, and nearly all of my dad's side of the family was there, as well as my mom's siblings. It was great to see everyone, and I had a wonderful time at the reception! (It did get a little long, though . . . as you can see from the picture of me and Val!)
  

• Coffee.
  Yeah, this one is a negative, but I've been enjoying it. I normally drink decaf at home and at work--and I make a really good Irish Cream Latte using my Irish Cream syrup and my Magic Bullet--but when Val's home, that all flies out the window. She's my enabler . . . she just has to say the word "coffee," and I'm studdenly all about Starbucks. Or Barista's. Or even Scooters. And I never think to order decaf. On Sunday, we stopped at Lincoln Espresso (at Aunt E's suggestion) on our way to the airport. It was amazing. Good thing we don't have one of those around here--I would definitely be a regular!
• Tutoring.
  I've met with the girl I'm tutoring twice now, and it's going really well! She's close to my age and speaks English pretty well--she has trouble with verb tenses and pronunciation, mainly. I'm really enjoying getting to know her!
  
• Being alone.
  My sister is moving in with me after she graduates, and I'm really enjoying my last few weeks of living alone. When you live alone, you get to be really selfish. Don't want to do the dishes? Want to drink straight out of the milk carton? No problem! Plus there's the whole sole possession of the remote control thing. Don't get me wrong; I'm thrilled that she'll be here . . . I'm just making the most of these last weeks of solitude. (Oh, and if you drop by this week, you might want to stay away from the milk.)
• Yearbook.
  I can't even begin to tell you how much I love being the yearbook adviser. It's the best part of my job! Our final deadline is at the end of May--which means that all the students will be long gone by the time the deadline hits; however, I've found that I kind of enjoy the stress of finishing pages at the last second! (I also love the feeling of sending the pages away!) Plus, Val has already offered to help me . . .
  
  
  

the bride was beautiful

You have to check this out. It's beautiful, loving, and ultimately heartbreaking. I'm not ashamed to say I had tears in my eyes at the end.

(HT: Tim Challies)

a wedding comes our way

My brother is getting married at the end of April. So this weekend, Mom and I went "mother of the groom" dress shopping in Wichita.

We started at the Dress Barn. The lady there was kind enough to tell us she didn't have anything fancy enough, so we were quickly on our way. Next, we went to David's Bridal. I've never had a reason to go to a bridal shop before, and let's just say it was a bit overwhelming! We found the "mother" dresses, saw they were out of our price range, and headed to the mall. As we left, I really felt like we were escaping the madness!

Mom's cousin knew we were dress shopping, and she had called us from Dillard's earlier to let us know they had dresses that were 40% off, so we began our mall search there. Almost immediately, Mom found a dress! We had them hold it for us while we checked out Sears and J.C. Penney, but we ultimately went back to Dillard's. The whole process took maybe 90 minutes! Praise the Lord for that dress--we were anticipating a much longer, much more trying shopping trip.

Then in the evening, we made mints, mints, and more mints--somewhere around 400. And we have more to go!They're the cream cheese kind; we used almond and rum flavoring. While "minting," we watched the last two episodes of Psych. (Shameless Psych plug #541.) Because mint making takes forever, we also had time to watch Miss Potter. What a sweet, gentle movie! I highly recommend it.